“asparagai” is what i call multiple asparagus, but don’t take my word for it. get your own word for multiple asparagus
When my son was 7 he pissed me off so badly I pressed all the elevator buttons knowing every new rider would blame him.
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I’m watching Fatal Attraction to refresh my psycho skills
Assert dominance over your boss by choosing an elevator button higher than the one he picked & act like its a big deal to wait for his floor
I’m from a generation that wouldn’t dare tell an adult that we were bored.
[sees my dentist in the store]
*really loud fake phone call voice*
me: ya I’m just picking up some floss cause I ran out probably because I floss every day idk
When I’m depressed I like listening to Alanis Morupset
Everyone hates the word moist until they eat a very dry muffin.
God gives everyone a hot cousin to test us.
You should just be thankful for all the things I don’t say.
I’ve been using my 4 year old as an alarm clock for the last month. Let me tell you, remarkably consistent.