@dudehugs
@xLiserx
Rambo: First Blood (1982)- After the onset of his first period, Rambo struggles with the emotional roller coaster of becoming a woman.
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@xLiserx
@AnkCoupleTO
Her: The laundry pods are missing!
Me: Oh really?
H: Did you eat them again?
M: Absolutely not *burps bubbles* why?
H: JUST CALL IT A HUNCH!
@T_N_Crumpets
Me: [bursts into wife’s meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED!
Wife: Dave, I’m at wo-
Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7
@sammyrhodes
Olive Garden is appropriately named given that an olive garden is exactly where even Jesus was disappointed.
@One_FineMess
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard.
And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
@Sarcasticsapien
I like how people say pets love you unconditionally like if you didn’t feed them and someone else did they wouldn’t go to them immediately.
@CrissieC
Your secrets safe with me..
I stopped listening to you 30 minutes ago…
@AmishPornStar1
If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
@peachesanscream
Doctor: “You have a blockage in your small & large intestine”
Barista: …
Barista: …
Doctor: *Sigh* “Ok, Tall & Venti intestine.”
@RickAaron
Rubbing alcohol is not as effective as drinking it.