Rambo: First Blood (1982)- After the onset of his first period, Rambo struggles with the emotional roller coaster of becoming a woman.
TUPAC IS DEAD
BIGGIE IS DEAD
AND ME ALSO I AM FEELING NOT SO GOOD
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Her: The laundry pods are missing!
Me: Oh really?
H: Did you eat them again?
M: Absolutely not *burps bubbles* why?
H: JUST CALL IT A HUNCH!
Me: [bursts into wife’s meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED!
Wife: Dave, I’m at wo-
Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7
Olive Garden is appropriately named given that an olive garden is exactly where even Jesus was disappointed.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard.
And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
I like how people say pets love you unconditionally like if you didn’t feed them and someone else did they wouldn’t go to them immediately.
Your secrets safe with me..
I stopped listening to you 30 minutes ago…
If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
Doctor: “You have a blockage in your small & large intestine”
Doctor: *Sigh* “Ok, Tall & Venti intestine.”
Rubbing alcohol is not as effective as drinking it.