@briangaar: *turns down the lights* Girl this is going to be a magical night *dumps legos on bed* ok first we need to separate these by color
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@DanMentos: [evening drive] 3yo: daddy me: yes sweetie 3yo: the moon is following us me: *floors it*
@Book_Krazy: [Couples Therapy] HER: He keeps pretending he's a doctor. This relationship is dead HIM: I'm calling it. Time of death, 9:26 ME: OMG SEE!
@Dallani: One time, I broke my iPhone and for 2 days I had to tweet from my Macbook like a God-dammed homeless person I don't like to talk about it
@Tmoney68: *Tries new coffee with 300% more caffeine* "It's okay. Can't feel a difference." [5 minutes later] *Throws refrigerator out window*