@flouncingqueen

Twitter :

Where all the really weird kids at school who had no friends now have 7,913 of even weirder ones

Twitter :

Where all the really weird kids at school who had no friends now have 7,913 of even weirder ones

- @flouncingqueen

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@iAmDelFreaky

Me: How are you doing? Is our date starting to feel a bit awkward?

Her: Yeah, a little…

Me: I was talking to my mom!

Mom: No, I’m fine.

@Henry_3k

You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you’ll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to “sit”.

@MikeOdenthal

Think about how many variations of apple there would be had they not mercy-killed the pineapple guy before he could name more fruits

@stephenjmolloy

“Installing this app on a smartphone or tablet will mean everyone in the house can easily adjust the thermostat.”

Dads in unison: “Nooooo!”

@OrangeFact

Are you tired of having a great friendship?

Ruin it with Sex™

@JennyPentland

“Mommy, I don’t wanna grow up and die!”
“Oh. Well, you can die at any age, really.”

@SCBamaMan

I’ll be signing books at the library tomorrow from 2-4pm (or until that librarian calls the cops again). Come on out!