Only 90’s kids will remember this! *plays outside*
‘Two can play that game…’
-people who dont understand that’s how games usually work
You Might Also Like
‘I murder drifters and use their hair to make little dolls. Oh, you meant at work! My biggest weakness is that I’m a perfectionist.’
My parents were very inspirational, they used to say:
“You can do whatever you want in life, as long as you don’t do it here.”
I hate when I think there’s an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle.
Her: Baby, do that thing that makes me hot
Me: *kisses her neck*
H: *slaps me* I MEANT turn the thermostat up dummy, it’s freezing in here
I used to wear tailored suits. Now I have “good” leggings, “grocery store” leggings and “so it’s come to this” leggings.
“Did you get a haircut?”
“No, I dyed the tips of my hair invisible…”
*puts baby powder in a crib*
Green beans are also called string beans so string theory is now green theory. I don’t make the rules or follow them!
Her: you ever done hot yoga?
*remembering getting stuck in a lawn chair last summer trying to reach my car keys*