A chinchilla infestation sounds more like a solution than a problem at this point.
Two cans of Red Bull may give you x-ray vision, but five cans give you the ability to hear oxygen.
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Every time I get this notification from Facebook about the birthday of some acquaintance I last spoke to 9 years ago I wonder how they would react if I just posted “I am thinking about you” on their wall…
Why “Trojan” condoms? Didn’t the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
Girls storing chips in their bras…pfft amateurs. I’ve got spaghetti and half a taco from this afternoon in there
DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again!
*daughter dish starts sobbing*
[outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight
yea so i messed up lol
Meanwhile, at the White House… #matwh
I have to give my cat a bath
I only treason on days ending in y
Sometimes I have these really intense moments where I just have to close my eyes and count and count and count and then when I open them everyone is gone and I’m alone. And I realise it’s my job to find them. Because we’re playing hide and seek.