@weinerdog4life: Ugh, I hate wearing this towel while my wife washes my cape.
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@jwoodham: BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. "Hitler's haircut is literally the worst," she writes. "Also he's mean."
@deadstick_ron: Therapist: and how are you now? Morgan Freeman: I am fine Morgan Freeman: but Morgan Freeman was not fine Therapist: I'm sorry what?
@AnOrangeSNES: Amazon review: Amazon river ⭐☆☆☆☆ DO NOT GO HERE! Everything tries to kill you, plus they don't even have free shipping.
@FredTaming: doc: the bad news is your insurance is terrible me: what’s the good news doc: you won’t need it for long