My family said if I don’t get a Facebook, they’d all get a Twitter
I sacrificed myself for all of twitter kind
I’m the Jesus of social media
Ugh my boyfriend’s all “Stop asking my Dad if he likes your underoos” and “Stop snap-chatting my Mom” and “Stop calling me your boyfriend”
You Might Also Like
Of course he’s going to get re-elected, because once you go Black…
I have a friend who’s band is playing this weekend. He said the doors open at 7 but I’m pretty sure Jim Morrison is dead.
villain: ironic that the one who shot you is your English professor!
me *dying*: actually it’s coincidental
v *tearing up*: …you passed
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying.
Courtney Love thinks she found the plane. It’s like God doesn’t trust us to write our own jokes.
Dear Stephanie on Facebook,
I do not care that you are watching The Breakfast Club.
I only want to know what channel it’s on.
One time in 1997 I forgot to close my air quotes so everything I’ve said since then has been sarcastic
My son used to check under the bed for monsters. So once I hid under there – so he’d see me and laugh. Anyway, child therapy is pricey.
IT: I’m hanging up
Me: is it because I called it my lappy tappy
IT: *dial tone*