Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs

You Might Also Like


*opens instagram*

yep, everyone’s life is still better than mine

*closes instagram*

*opens twitter*

ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren.


I can’t imagine how stressed Americans are feeling right now. I’m Canadian and I’m chugging maple syrup and just punched a moose.


I’m so sick of answering questions about the age difference between my kids, so I’ve started telling people the oldest one came with the house.


Around a third (42%) of parenting is pretending you understand your child’s homework


Some guy just passed toilet paper under the stall without me even asking. I’m not sure if he is a pervert or a wizard.


Drugs don’t kill people. People that don’t have drugs kill people.


INVENTOR OF GLUE: I bet if we melt that horse we could use it to stick stuff to other stuff.

TIM: Dude…is everything okay at home?