If you say “it’s twelve noon,” I assume you eat cow beef and didn’t do well at education school
Ugh Starbucks spelled my name right again and now I have nothing to Instagram.
You Might Also Like
roman lesbians: *caesaring*
Me: I bet I totally got like 10,000 steps in today.
My mother: you lost your car in the parking garage didn’t you?
Me: WHY CAN’T YOU EVER JUST BE HAPPY FOR ME?!
My boyfriend is not gay!! So please next time you see him with some girls dnt come telling me.
You: Five second rule!
Pet owners: lol
I was gonna go to a New Year’s Eve party, but the invite said “bring your significant other,” & I don’t feel like unhooking my TV.
I love those friendships that are based on a shared admiration for wood chippers and deep freezers.
Big things DO NOT always come in small packages!
I wish someone had told me the truth before I pounced on this adorable midget. Poor fella.
George Michael: I hope you like it
me: *opening gift* oh… your heart, umm… you shouldn’t have
[the very next day]
me: does anyone want this, I’m just giving it away
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.