I freely admit to snorting with laughter #piggate #pigfilms
Uncle Frank’s will stipulates he be cremated & his ashes added to the vegetable water sprayers at the local grocery store.
He will be mist.
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When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don’t invite people to my house.
Its really disgusting how other white people dont even know about the plight of [quickly wikipedias “Who is having alot of plight 2012]
My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with ‘Star Wars’.
I said: May divorce be with you…
In the wild a pumpkin can reach speeds of up to 0mph
Him: *Head in hands*
Her: What’s happened?
Him: Well- I…I… I found this head
If I hear a bang when I’m driving I just assume I broke the sound barrier.
Not sure where all these dents are coming from though.
I own a lot of cleaning supplies for someone whose friends inscribed “dust me” on my coffee table recently.
Follow your dreams, into traffic.
Me: He said he likes mac-n-cheese better the way his mom makes it.
Female judge: Case dismissed!