@Carmensadie: Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say. Thanks.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: GOD: I gave you my son. MAN: You mean your only son? GOD (thinking about his other son who dropped out of a visual & performing arts program to travel and find himself): Yes.
@Plexomatic: Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married and live together so I'd have to see them every day
@SveldtSmelt: I found where my mom hid the scissors, so everyone in my house woke up with a new haircut this morning.
@pleatedjeans: [interviewing cave bat] me: any disadvantages to hanging upside down? Bat: [pee rolling down his face] Yes, one.