@jonnysun

ur honor, i call GOD as my witness
*jury gasps*
*nothimg happens*
*slowley, a man w/ beard rises from the stands*
damit no Gary sit down

ur honor, i call GOD as my witness
*jury gasps*
*nothimg happens*
*slowley, a man w/ beard rises from the stands*
damit no Gary sit down

- @jonnysun

You Might Also Like

@Puncroaker

My inability to pronounce Spanish names makes me sad, and I’m not even Jaoquin.

@samdunsiger

Millions of years of evolution have moulded us into a species that struggles to open the wrong ends of garbage bags.

@loserIex

ikea worker 1: ok i say we name it “stay in stool” haha like school haha cuz it’s a stool
ikea worker 2: nice try but we r naming it üdëkæb

@ehdannyboy

People that start a sentence with “Now I’m not trying to be rude” are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly.

@Demented_Jokes

I always keep a baseball bat under my bed. You know, in case someone breaks in and throws a ball at me.

@BritXNic

*Slowly breaks up with you, word by word, during a game of Scrabble.

@samknight1

What if global warming *is* a hoax and we clean up our air and oceans, create millions of jobs, and become energy independent for nothing?

@heatherlou_

Remember kids, it’s not a true burn if there are grammatical errors.

@AnniemuMary

Movies show people kissing in the rain but I want a guy who’ll run out there and get the cushions off the porch chairs when the weather starts kicking up.

@Iwriteforcats

Pharmacies could save a lot of hassle and just have customers walk through a denim detector to see if they’re cooking meth.