If the headline just read “Kanye West Acts Like a Shithead,” news sites could reuse it over and over again.
Everybody is a kid of some decade, but “90’s kids” are the only ones who are annoying about it.
A San Francisco man is running seven marathons in seven days on seven continents; he’s expected to be seven times as annoying about it.
A wedding is like inviting your family and friends to the dock to watch you leave England on the Titanic.
Tonight’s Golden Globes taught us that, no matter how much you spend on surgery, nobody looks good while sweaty.
I’m going back to work tomorrow after the holiday break, which means playing that annual game:
What food is rotting in the office kitchen?
“I hate confrontation”
“No, you don’t”
If you really want people to notice you, be a typo.
Relationship advice:
Find someone who likes (or dislikes) the same amount of air-conditioning as you, and stick with them.
“Follow your dreams!” – someone born into money
🙈 See no evil.
🙉 Hear no evil.
🙊 Monkey beat-boxing
A man at a cemetery for Titanic victims claims to have taken a photo of a ghost. The ghost reportedly said “there was room for two people.”
Apparently when someone tells you they’re pregnant, “why” is not an acceptable response.