@1MeLrO

I was eating a chicken wonton at Applebee’s and started choking

All I could think was that I can’t go like this because I have 2 more to eat

@1MeLrO

Cleaning out the fridge is the most excitement I’ve had in weeks

Surprised face, confused, followed by a little gagging

@1MeLrO

Any day now Santa is going to block my Amazon list

@1MeLrO

Shutting down the bars and liquor stores and my daughters college for the semester.

You want to see a triggered new 21 year old

FML

@1MeLrO

My daughter was using a old ice tea bottle for her paint brushes and accidentally drank it

Did I mention she’s been on the Dean’s List for 4 years

@1MeLrO

Can’t, I’m fighting over the space heater with the cat

@1MeLrO

Today is my first day of taking fish oil

When do I get scales

@1MeLrO

I only feel really dirty when I go to the grocery store now.

@1MeLrO

At what age do you say never again and actually mean it.

@1MeLrO

Yes advice is free, but so are throat punches