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@1evilidiot : I smoked a pack of cigarettes in 6 hrs, I don't think your kale will save me.
@1evilidiot: Don't you have anyone you can talk to? - me as a therapist
@1evilidiot: [couples therapy]
"Have you tried sexy lingerie?"
me: yeah but it just creeps her out.
@1evilidiot: Whoever called it rush hour should not be allowed to name anything else.
@1evilidiot: Which side of the plate does the phone go on?
@1evilidiot: I'm pretty sure these people at the next table are talking about how paranoid I am.
@1evilidiot: You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive.
@1evilidiot: Just heard the phrase naturally boneless chicken and that'll keep me awake tonight.
@1evilidiot: It's funny when you tell someone that you don't like people, they always think you mean other people.
@1evilidiot: I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written.