I smoked a pack of cigarettes in 6 hrs, I don’t think your kale will save me.
Don’t you have anyone you can talk to? – me as a therapist
“Have you tried sexy lingerie?”
me: yeah but it just creeps her out.
Whoever called it rush hour should not be allowed to name anything else.
Which side of the plate does the phone go on?
I’m pretty sure these people at the next table are talking about how paranoid I am.
You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive.
Just heard the phrase naturally boneless chicken and that’ll keep me awake tonight.
It’s funny when you tell someone that you don’t like people, they always think you mean other people.
I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written.