According to a recent survey, 100% of HR agree that I’m not allowed to take money out of the swear jar to throw at my co-workers.
I don’t know why they invite me to an Easter egg hunt, then freak out when I turn up in camo gear with my rifle.
My boss is so lazy he just clutched his chest and tumbled down the stairs and now he’s asleep at the bottom.
I’m not a mechanic so I don’t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Some bloke on FB called me a clown. Now I’ve got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that’s what clowns do.
I was highly offended until I realised HR were calling me incompetent and not incontinent.
Dont think about tomorrow because thats when the judge starts using the term premeditated.
6yo’s can’t go to jail so I have no idea why this one’s refusing to drive me home from the pub.
My boyfriend told me that his new years resolution was to try anal. He’s going to be so suprised when he sees the strap on i just bought.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.
Sometimes it’s not about missing someone, it’s about reloading and trying again.
Sometimes it’s not about missing someone, it’s about reloading and trying again.