Him: are you close?
Me: *eating KitKat layer by layer* don’t rush me, Kevin
me: it’s our third date, you know what this means
him: *confidently* I think I do
me: *saves his number in my contacts*
If you’re searching for a woman who’s sweet and funny and has her life together then look no further because that one at the table behind me seems like she does.
I just got a headache from bending down but yeah, age is just a number.
teacher: he’s doing so well, and he’s such a great listen-
me: coolcoolcool no doubt but when do you teach them to stop turning on every light in the house, is that this year or
A body cam but for when you send your husband to the grocery store
me: my loofah completely fell apart in the shower
prison guard: those are ramen noodles