Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us
@2tickytacky : I told her she's prettier than soup without her knowing how many quality soups I've encountered.
@2tickytacky: I wanted something old and soft to wax my car, so I used Grandma.
@2tickytacky: *keeps applying antiperspirant until he can remember doing both armpits*
@2tickytacky: Psychiatrist: "Maybe you should be seeing a therapist."
Me: "You sure like spending my money, don't you?"
@2tickytacky: Cop: "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
Shark: *eats cop*
@2tickytacky: I threw a dart at a map to pick a vacation spot and shattered the hell out of my phone screen.
@2tickytacky: Every time I play guitar at home, my wife goes looking for a cat we don't have.
@2tickytacky: I have a kidney to donate. It's not mine, so I don't know much about it.
@2tickytacky: In your selfie, you had rabbit ears and little whiskers. You don't really have any of those things! Catfish! Just like rainbow tongue girl.
@2tickytacky: Do what I say and everyone gets hurt.