@3sunzzz: Friend: I'm engaged! *flashes ring* He bought me this beautiful teardrop shaped diamond!
Me: ah, the irony
@3sunzzz: My husband changed his cologne brand for the 1st time in 31 years. Now he smells like I'm having an affair.
@3sunzzz: Assert your dominance by putting a few decorative pillows in your husband's truck.
@3sunzzz: Whenever I want my son to visit I tell him our dog keeps going in his old bedroom trying to find him.
@3sunzzz: I write fake chores on my to-do list just to scribble them out, then my husband thinks I do more.
@3sunzzz: The fact that there are countless First Responders alongside the street tells me everything I need to know about running marathons.
@3sunzzz: The elephant is my spirit animal.
1. we never forget
2. we hate the circus
3. we're scared of mice
4. we're Disney characters
5. we're awkward in rooms
@3sunzzz: Whenever I babysit I wear a wig. When the parents leave I cut off 90% of my hair. I tell the kids if they don't behave, they're next.