@3sunzzz

Nothing confuses me more than vegan mascara. Who is eating mascara?

@3sunzzz

H: Want to go to Lowe’s with me?

M: Can I wear my tiara?

H: I’d rather you not

M: Then no thanks

[husband leaves]

M: *whispers* works every time

@3sunzzz

My husband pissed me off so I went shopping for the afternoon, with all of our remotes.

@3sunzzz

My 17yo just asked me how to make toast. There goes any hopes of a college scholarship.

@3sunzzz

I take back every tweet I’ve ever written bashing autocorrect. Tonight my husband brought home beers instead of beets and I don’t know the last time I was this happy.

@3sunzzz

I had no idea so much of my married life was going to be spent listening to my husband complain about the price of gas, yet here we are.

@3sunzzz

Last night my husband complained that my American Chop Suey was dry so tonight I’m making him my favorite, Nothing Casserole.

@3sunzzz

Dr: How many drinks do you have per week?

Me: Four-

Dr: okay

Me: -teen

Dr:

Me: -ish.

@3sunzzz

Sleep Pattern

H: 🌃🥱😌😪😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😪😌🥱🏙

M: 🌃🥱😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😴😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳🏙

@3sunzzz

I told my husband I would hem his pants. I need some help here, hot glue gun or staples?