Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of 3sunzzz's best tweets

@3sunzzz : Um, products that have seals that read, "Do not use if seal is missing," how are we supposed to know that a seal is missing if it's missing?

@3sunzzz: Friend: I'm engaged! *flashes ring* He bought me this beautiful teardrop shaped diamond!

Me: ah, the irony

Friend: What?!

Me: What?

@3sunzzz: My husband changed his cologne brand for the 1st time in 31 years. Now he smells like I'm having an affair.

@3sunzzz: Assert your dominance by putting a few decorative pillows in your husband's truck.

@3sunzzz: Whenever I want my son to visit I tell him our dog keeps going in his old bedroom trying to find him.

@3sunzzz: I write fake chores on my to-do list just to scribble them out, then my husband thinks I do more.

@3sunzzz: The fact that there are countless First Responders alongside the street tells me everything I need to know about running marathons.

@3sunzzz: The elephant is my spirit animal.

1. we never forget
2. we hate the circus
3. we're scared of mice
4. we're Disney characters
5. we're awkward in rooms

@3sunzzz: Whenever I babysit I wear a wig. When the parents leave I cut off 90% of my hair. I tell the kids if they don't behave, they're next.

@3sunzzz: Me: I lost 13 pounds.

Also Me: I'm going to celebrate with cake!