@3sunzzz: [lunch date]
"I'll have a salad."
Narrator: Ursula then returns home and eats Fritos, Cool Whip and what appears to be leftover meatloaf.
@3sunzzz: In high school I carried around a pocket full of Barbie doll heads. Then when boys asked me for a little head, I gave them one.
@3sunzzz: *carrying dog*
Clerk: no pets allowed
Me: *closes eyes* It's my seeing eye dog.
C: You tried that last week.
M: IT'S MY SEEING EYE DOG!
@3sunzzz: My horoscope said I will soon find the man of my dreams. I thought, "I've been married 25yrs," then I thought, "But I'll keep an open mind."
@3sunzzz: [first day in prison]
"I need to speak to management. There is no way I can use this generic bar soap on my face."
@3sunzzz: I'm not one to bet, but I'd put $50 on the fact that the waffle was probably created when someone accidentally stepped on a pancake.
@3sunzzz: A millennial told me that he and his friends weren't on Twitter anymore because it was for old people now. I was like, "Finally, we won!"