Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of 3sunzzz's best tweets

@3sunzzz : If you occasionally accuse your husband of shrinking your clothes in the dryer, he won't realize you're slowly getting fat.

@3sunzzz: Me: *brings home new puppy*


@3sunzzz: Me: You must admit that Apollo 11 landing on the moon 50 yrs ago is pretty impressive.

Cow: *takes drag from cigarette* Yeah, but if you jump over it in 1765 no one cares, apparently.

@3sunzzz: My husband is bringing our puppy to the Farmer's Market to socialize her. I am staying home and adding vodka to my coffee to socialize me.

@3sunzzz: I'm not necessarily saying that quinoa is repulsive, all I'm saying is that Cheetos are already prepared.

@3sunzzz: My husband bought lemon-flavored potato chips. Long story short, he's sleeping in the RV.

@3sunzzz: Me, Playing Twister

10: I win again!

20: Let's play naked!

35: The dots seem farther apart.

45: I need to go to the ER.

@3sunzzz: My husband ate the rice I cooked for our new puppy and long story short his bags are packed.

@3sunzzz: Postcards are just weird. It's like, "Hey everyone, feel free to read what I wrote to my aunt until it's delivered to her house."

@3sunzzz: My husband and I are looking for someone to play the harmonica while we have sex, no weirdos please.