Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of 3sunzzz's best tweets

@3sunzzz : If you occasionally accuse your husband of shrinking your clothes in the dryer, he won't realize you're slowly getting fat.

@3sunzzz: Me: *brings home new puppy*

My dogs: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

@3sunzzz: Me: You must admit that Apollo 11 landing on the moon 50 yrs ago is pretty impressive.

Cow: *takes drag from cigarette* Yeah, but if you jump over it in 1765 no one cares, apparently.

@3sunzzz: My husband is bringing our puppy to the Farmer's Market to socialize her. I am staying home and adding vodka to my coffee to socialize me.

@3sunzzz: I'm not necessarily saying that quinoa is repulsive, all I'm saying is that Cheetos are already prepared.

@3sunzzz: My husband bought lemon-flavored potato chips. Long story short, he's sleeping in the RV.

@3sunzzz: Me, Playing Twister

10: I win again!

20: Let's play naked!

35: The dots seem farther apart.

45: I need to go to the ER.

@3sunzzz: My husband ate the rice I cooked for our new puppy and long story short his bags are packed.

@3sunzzz: Postcards are just weird. It's like, "Hey everyone, feel free to read what I wrote to my aunt until it's delivered to her house."

@3sunzzz: My husband and I are looking for someone to play the harmonica while we have sex, no weirdos please.