I realize how this looks, but that guy’s neck was already like that when I got here.
So glad I spent $50K on university instead of saving for retirement; I’ll be the most well-read indigent in the VIP area under the overpass.
No, I always make this wincing face when I talk to people saying awful shit. It’s not just you.
I won’t ever use botox. I want everyone to know when I’m scowling at them. My general disdain is much more powerful than my vanity.
To be honest, the only reason I’m interested in space is to experience the sublime satisfaction of throwing an enemy out of an airlock.
[Explaining nomenclature to my niece]
Well, you see, celebrities used up all the good names the year you were born, Fancy Feast.
I’m dying louder than usual today.
My financial advisor recommended I join a doomsday cult.
PSA: If your kid bumps into me one more time with your shopping cart I will unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole.