Hotel pillows are the proof that God is angry with us.
When Bryan Adams sang ‘Baby, you’re all that I want…when you’re lying here in my arms…” I bet he was talking about brisket.
It could have been love, but then I caught her putting a perfectly good steak in an air fryer.
‘Your Song’ by Elton John was released
53 YEARS AGO TODAY so, that funny feeling inside might be you getting old.
Cargo shorts need insulated side pockets so people can always have access to a hot and tasty pork chop.
Sometimes, when I’m in a deep contemplative mood, I wonder what ants get in their pants…
Sermons in 10 minutes or less or you go to Heaven for FREE!!
*brings nachos to your exorcism*
I wonder what the rest of this day has in store because I just spent 30 seconds looking for my car keys while sitting in my car with the engine running.
*checks Groupon for deals on exorcisms*
A TikTok challenge but it’s just people using apostrophe’s correctly.
I dunno…maybe the Mars Rover can find all the spoons and bowls in my kids bedroom.
Her: My God…yours is huge!
Me: It’s the biggest gift card Sizzler sells, baby.
*slow wink*
The best and most reliable advice I can offer is add bacon.
Everyone knows you save the leftover wrapping pieces to make patches to cover the end of the box where the gift wrap shrank.