I’ve been through a lot in this last month, but by far the most horrific thing to happen to me was broccoli on pizza. Never again.
Saw a dude chugging a bottle of mustard and it wasn’t even close to the weirdest thing I witnessed today. I’ll ketchup with more details later.
I’m cat sitting for my daughter, and she sent me three pages of instructions, along with a video tutorial. Anyways, what’s a cat? She never specified that part.
I understand my credit score the way I understand the tides. It moves up and down and has something to do with the moon I think
“Trust your gut” ok first of all my gut wants pizza 24 hours a day
I’m not like other girls, I know when I’m being irrational. I don’t let it stop me, but still
How come those cross species adoption videos are always cats or dogs raising baby birds? Just once I’d like to see a hawk enthusiastically barfing into a kittens mouth.
The strawberry frosted pop tart was resplendent.
That’s right, I learned a new word today. Pop-tart; a thin breakfast pastry filled with jam and cooked in a toaster.
I only compete with myself because I’m hella stupid and easy to outsmart.
My doctor said avocados help with depression but so far it’s just sitting there on my counter doing nothing.
There’s no law that says it has to be night to howl at the moon.
The first person you think of when you wake up is the one. So anyways, my soulmate is 5 more minutes of sleep.
Now that I’ve raised teenagers it’s hard to look at babies the same way. They’re cute in the sense that a baby lion is cute, because I know what’s coming.
What are these silent battles people keep talking about? None of my battles were quiet. I literally screamed the entire time because that’s half the fun.
Don’t be mean to people. With the way the economy is going, you might have to eat those people and your anger is just going to make their meat all stressed out and stringy. Choose love.