@AddledPixie

Many people are predicting a baby boom nine months from now, but I’m predicting a boom of really shitty screenplays.

@AddledPixie

I once found a deflated “Get Well Soon” balloon in a graveyard and there’s never been anything more representative of the human condition.

@AddledPixie

“I detest drama!” I declare with a flourish of my cape, and the back of my hand over my forehead.

@AddledPixie

Always a bridesmaid never a vengeful ghost in a glowing fog.

@AddledPixie

I hate it when I’m in a rage and suddenly remember I’m not wealthy so I can’t hurl expensive bone china into the fireplace.

@AddledPixie

I’ve trapped dozens of birds and woodland creatures in my room but not one has helped me get dressed, and they’re just shitting everywhere.

@AddledPixie

I just want to be important enough that someone unexpectedly puts a cup of coffee in my hand, which I gratefully accept with only a nod.

@AddledPixie

“Unhand me you cad!” I shriek, before turning disappointedly to see that I’ve only caught my shirt in the silverware drawer.

@AddledPixie

“Mommy, why does an old person’s skin look so see-through?”

Aw, honey, it’s just because they are getting ready to be a ghost. Sleep tight.

@AddledPixie

Oh my god, my jeans fit! All I have to do is not sit down, not walk, and not breathe. I totally got this.