@Aikiwomannc: Loan officer: Mr. Minotaur, I'd love to help you but I dont think opening a china shop is a good idea.
@Aikiwomannc: Interviewer: So you were a Chernobyl tour guide?
Me: Yes, I was.
Interviewer: I see you have glowing reviews.
Me: Yeah, you might want to put those down.
@Aikiwomannc: Karen is on the list for 2019 hurricane names. Managers all along the east coast are nervous.
@Aikiwomannc: Music - rock band
Jehovah's Witness - knock band
Boats - dock band
Lip synched - mock band
Athletes - jock band
Safe cracker - lock band
Puppet - sock band
Clock maker - tock band
Chicken - b'gok band
Rooster - cock band
@Aikiwomannc: Farmer: Netflix and till
Moonshiner: Netflix and still
Estate planner: Netflix and will
Dentist: Netflix and drill
Attorney: Netflix and bill
Mountaineer: Netflix and hill
Doctor: Netflix and ill
Pharmacist: Netflix and pill
Jack: Netflix and Jill
@Aikiwomannc: Friend: How could lingerie ruin a romantic night?
Me: He fell asleep waiting for me to put it on. Never buy lingerie at IKEA.
@Aikiwomannc: Him: So tell me something about yourself.
Me: If you spell it backwards it's flesruoy.
Me: If you add the letter p to it you can spell profusely.