“After he ate the shrooms, Mario ate flowers and pretended he could shoot fireballs out of his hands.”
– Princess Peach, at Couples Therapy
I think at this point, a pterodactyl egg has better odds of getting laid than I do.
The ironic thing about the original Scooby Doo adventures was that the only real supernatural phenomena they encountered was a TALKING DOG.
NEW! “How to Act” DVD by Kristen Stewart!
Only $139.95! Act now!
Truthful Tuesday: The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence.
If you don’t think monkeys are adorable, then you can suck macaque.
Today on “Dora the Explorer”, Dora and Boots learn there are some places they can’t explore when Map leads them to an armed border patrol.
Clean tweeting is liberating. You don’t need profanity to make a point. Look:
Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Female dogs love that poopy.
I think it’s fair to question whether or not Barack Obama is an American. I mean, look at him.
He’s awfully thin…
I just felt a weird twitching somewhere inside me. I think it might be my liver waving a white flag.