@Alex_N_Chains: I think at this point, a pterodactyl egg has better odds of getting laid than I do.
@Alex_N_Chains: The ironic thing about the original Scooby Doo adventures was that the only real supernatural phenomena they encountered was a TALKING DOG.
@Alex_N_Chains: NEW! "How to Act" DVD by Kristen Stewart!
Only $139.95! Act now!
@Alex_N_Chains: Truthful Tuesday: The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence.
@Alex_N_Chains: Today on "Dora the Explorer", Dora and Boots learn there are some places they can't explore when Map leads them to an armed border patrol.
@Alex_N_Chains: Clean tweeting is liberating. You don't need profanity to make a point. Look:
Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Female dogs love that poopy.
@Alex_N_Chains: I think it's fair to question whether or not Barack Obama is an American. I mean, look at him.
He's awfully thin...
@Alex_N_Chains: I just felt a weird twitching somewhere inside me. I think it might be my liver waving a white flag.