Me: [frog emoji]
Him: [turtle]
Me: [monkey]
Him: [pig]
Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?
Him: What? No! Here [dog]
Me: GREAT SO NOW I’M A BITCH?
*wants space*
*eats Milky Way*
Based on the amount of tools I’ve dated, you’d think I got a deal at The Home Depot
*gets bitten
*becomes shy shy
*popular kid is struggling in class
*gets a tutor to help
*Kool-Aid
I always close the door to the bathroom even if I’m home alone. What if someone broke in and saw me peeing? That would be so embarrassing
The problem w marriage is communication. When I said I hoped he’d go down in a plane I meant more crash & burn, less on the flight attendant
My teenaged daughter just asked me how to spell U2.
Fingers crossed for that athletic scholarship.