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@AndrewChamings : [trying to climb out of beanbag chair] Divorce?
@AndrewChamings: doctor: push through the pain, I can see the head, you can do it!
me: [struggling to pull on my turtleneck sweater] I can taste air
@AndrewChamings: I’m so hangry I could yell at a horse
@AndrewChamings: me [after losing a rap battle]: I should have worn a hat
friend: yeah he really locked in on your side pony
@AndrewChamings: date: I like men who aren’t afraid to take risks
me: [to waiter] horse please
@AndrewChamings: inventor of the sword: [watching a sword swallowing contest] oh no. no no no
@AndrewChamings: make parties more interesting by telling strangers “I want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here”
@AndrewChamings: I miss those two years in the nineties when instead of using sarcasm we’d just say the opposite of what we were thinking followed by “NOT”
@AndrewChamings: date: so what do you do?
me: *doing a huge amount of karate* adderall
@AndrewChamings: when horses drive past a field of people they say “people”