@AndrewsNotFunny

Him: dude I love clubs, they’re great for picking up chicks

Me *nodding thoughtfully* girls love sandwiches

@AndrewsNotFunny

[post sex]

Her: I wonder what he’s thinking about, I hope it wasn’t bad

Me: if you made tea from lizards it’d be called chamomeleon

@AndrewsNotFunny

Flight attendant: all we’ve got to watch is air bud

Me: I know how windows work pal

@AndrewsNotFunny

Her: I like guys that are confident

Me *looking her square in the eye* worcestershire

@AndrewsNotFunny

*I enter the bank and draw a weapon*

Teller: holy shit

Me: what

Teller: you suck at art