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Page of AndyAsAdjective's best tweets

@AndyAsAdjective : me: do you think i'm too stoned to drive?

my cat: yes

@AndyAsAdjective: JUMP

ING

UP

AND

DOWN

ON

THE

TRAMP

O

LINE

OUT

SIDE

YOUR

WIN

DOW

IS

NOT

HOW

I

WANT

ED

TO

BREAK

UP

WITH

YOU

KAR

EN

@AndyAsAdjective: If I had to pick a favorite Rocky movie, it'd be Rocky IV. I've never seen it but I hear Creed dies in that one & I really hate their music.

@AndyAsAdjective: Text:

Me: I want you to know I love you from the depths of my soul. You are my essence & the reason I live. With you, I am whole.

Her: K

@AndyAsAdjective: ME: and what are we going to do next time?

7YR OLD: you’re going to let me know in advance before you shave your beard

M: and for you?

7: I’m not going to scream “STRANGER! DANGER!” or call 911

@AndyAsAdjective: I think I could be a pretty good boxer as long as the other guy isn't allowed to hit me.

@AndyAsAdjective: After months of trying, I finally have a runner's body. His shoes too. Also a really nice pair of headphones & his Fitbit. He was in shape.

@AndyAsAdjective: [Saturday morning, 5:53 am]

[a tap on my shoulder wakes me]

8YR OLD: dad, I'm bored

@AndyAsAdjective: ME: baby, I want to turn eucalyptYOU & eucalyptME into eucalyptUS

HER: you don’t flirt much, do you?

ME: I do not