Milkshakes might bring the boys to your yard, but burnt garlic toast brings firefighters to your door.
Some people say they don’t know what to do with their hands in pictures.
I still haven’t figured out what to do with my face.
Single men not in love with me.
Explain yourselves.
Pre-employment drug tests are misleading, I didn’t get to try any of them.
You haven’t texted me since you went to bed. Are we ok??
You don’t know fear until you cough out a tampon nowhere near a bathroom.
Do chicks with anchor tattoos that say “never sink” know that anchors are made to sink?
Did a crunch. Sprained an ovary.
0/10. Do not recommend.
My boyfriend said no girlfriend of his will use social media.
So anyway, I’ll guess I’ll miss what’s his name.
Looking for a plus one for my wedding.
Shoutout to the kitchen knob that grabbed the strings on my pants and undid them.
Tomorrow I’m definitely going to start running, no matter how many days it takes!
My tall sister took the vodka out of the cupboards above the fridge.
I always thought those doors were just there for decoration.
Fitness friend: Do you know what you’re putting in your body?
*flashes back to ex
*shudders
People say to enjoy the messes your kids leave, because you’ll miss them when they’re grown and gone.
I like to call those people liars.