@AngryRaccoon2

Stop filtering your teeth on your selfies goddammit they can be seen from space

@AngryRaccoon2

*opens twitter*

*sees “Show me 2 photos of yourself that you like”*

*closes twitter*

@AngryRaccoon2

So many idiots speed past my house that when someone is actually going the speed limit I take cover and assume it’s a drive-by.

@AngryRaccoon2

“Oh yeah, that thing you REALLY liked last time? Well guess what YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN”

-Costco.

@AngryRaccoon2

My husband broadcasts the Imperial March over Google home when my mother pulls into the driveway.

It’s scarier than any movie I’ve ever seen.

@AngryRaccoon2

Them: “Live in the moment!”

Me: “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MOMENT?”

@AngryRaccoon2

Thank God there is the super fit woman who constantly power walks past my window to remind me that I don’t want to do that.

@AngryRaccoon2

“Don’t make things all about you for once…”

My mother says hi.