Therapist: “How does this make you feel?”
My husband broadcasts the Imperial March over Google home when my mother pulls into the driveway.
It’s scarier than any movie I’ve ever seen.
Them: “Live in the moment!”
Me: “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MOMENT?”
Thank God there is the super fit woman who constantly power walks past my window to remind me that I don’t want to do that.
“One box of murder hornets, please. And yes, it’s a gift.”
“Don’t make things all about you for once…”
My mother says hi.
Don’t forget to wear your lip gloss so you can constantly pick hair out of it and any flying debris you may collect throughout the day.
My neighbors hate me because I still haven’t taken my Groundhog Day decorations down.
One night my insomnia will pay off and I’ll witness a crime being committed outside my window.
Until then, I’ll keep eating.