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Page of AngryRaccoon2's best tweets

@AngryRaccoon2 : Engelbert Humperdinck actually chose that name, he was not born with it.

I think about this a lot.

@AngryRaccoon2: If you remove all the segments where they tell you what's coming up, Dateline is actually only 13 minutes long.

@AngryRaccoon2: "Mom! I made you a character in my video game!"

Me: "Cool! What am I doing?"

"You're angry. I made it just like real life."

@AngryRaccoon2: "Whatever! You're naked ALL the time!"

-Me, to my staring cats every time I get out of the shower.

@AngryRaccoon2: Hi I'm in my forties and I cry when I drop something on the floor and have to bend over and pick it up.

@AngryRaccoon2: "Mom, can you make me a snack and bring it upstairs?"

Me: "No! What is this, Denny's?"

"Mom, Denny's doesn't have an upstairs."

@AngryRaccoon2: My mother: *brings over crap every time she visits*

Also my mother: "You sure have a lot of crap."

@AngryRaccoon2: "Kids! Come say goodbye to your father!"

-Me, when my husband has a cold.