@AngryRaccoon2

“Whatever! You’re naked ALL the time!”

-Me, to my staring cats every time I get out of the shower.

@AngryRaccoon2

Hi I’m in my forties and I cry when I drop something on the floor and have to bend over and pick it up.

@AngryRaccoon2

“Mom, can you make me a snack and bring it upstairs?”

Me: “No! What is this, Denny’s?”

“Mom, Denny’s doesn’t have an upstairs.”

@AngryRaccoon2

My mother: *brings over crap every time she visits*

Also my mother: “You sure have a lot of crap.”

@AngryRaccoon2

“Kids! Come say goodbye to your father!”

-Me, when my husband has a cold.

@AngryRaccoon2

Is he dead?

Is he dead?

Is she dead?

Is HE dead?

What about him?

Is SHE dead?

-My kids watching 80s music videos.

@AngryRaccoon2

“What do you want for breakfast?”
12: toast and jam.

Day 2.
“What do you want for breakfast?”
12: toast and jam.

Day 3.
I know! I’ll just surprise her with toast and jam.
12: I don’t like that.

@AngryRaccoon2

Ok, so there’s “senior’s parking,” and “expectant mothers parking” at the grocery store.

Where is the parking for “Undermedicated, on a short fuse and probably shouldn’t be out in public?”