Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@AngryRaccoon2 : *Takes one earbud out*
*Hears kids fighting*
*Puts earbud back in*
@AngryRaccoon2: Me not wearing a bra is apparently a bat signal for anyone in the neighborhood who might need to come to my door for any reason .
@AngryRaccoon2: Whenever I go grocery shopping I make sure I'm stuck behind the people who have never seen food on shelves before.
@AngryRaccoon2: My superpower is choosing the one table in a restaurant next to the woman talking loudly enough that I know her entire family tree when I leave.
@AngryRaccoon2: A Roomba, but to shave my legs.
@AngryRaccoon2: "Go clean up your mansion!!!!!"
-My orthodontist, to his children, probably.
@AngryRaccoon2: *husband and I arguing*
Kids (in unison): "YAYYYYYY TWO CHRISTMASES!!!!!
@AngryRaccoon2: I bought a CD today.
Now I'm waiting for my carriage to take me home, because I have laundry to do at the river and butter to churn.
@AngryRaccoon2: If anxiety was good for weight loss, I'd be back to being a molecule.