“Hey, we see that everything you’ve ever watched has been in English, may we suggest something in German?”
“2! 4! 6! 8! Who do we appreciate?
14: Wanna play a game?
14: Do an impression of Mom
12: Oh that’s easy
14: WITHOUT SWEARING
12: Forget it.
Most people don’t put music on for pets when they go out, but here’s me going back in the house to change it cuz the dog only likes Top 40.
Herbal tea…for when you want to drink some scented hot water.
Ah yes. My husband and I in our natural habitat.
Lying in bed on our phones whilst blowing pet hair off our screens.
EVERYBODY ON YOUR FEET!!
Me: Not a chance
WAVE YOUR ARMS!!
OKAY YOU GUYS SING!!
Me: WHOSE CONCERT IS THIS?
Told a woman who was shopping with a newborn that I had teenagers. I was waiting for her to say I looked too young to have teenagers.
No coroner will need to do an autopsy to see what I ate, they’ll just need to shake out my bra.
If you keep your curtains open at night, please know I WILL slow down as I drive by to critique your decorating and see what you’re watching.