I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me
I’m currently in between meals and not very happy about it
My children are arguing over who gets to sleep on the top bunk. We don’t have bunk beds.
A horror movie but it’s just a married couple trying to work from home and one of them is chewing
Proof that kids sometimes listen…
5: Why are you not getting dressed to take me to school?
Me: I’m dressed
5: Those look like pajamas
Me:
5: Did you brush your teeth?
Me: Yes
5: Let me smell
You know you’re old when you see how many women Pete Davidson has been dating and your first thought is “he must be so tired”
Hey kids,
Turns out you *will* need math one day because the 15 almonds you’re allowed to snack on aren’t going to count themselves
– adults
12: Can you help with my math homework?
Me (*looks at the problem*): I don’t remember how to do that
12: If you don’t remember how to do it, and you turned out well, why do I need to do it?
Me:
If my reaction to seeing a spider is anything like the rest of yours, we are not going to fare well as a species when aliens invade
My mother: What color do you look good in?
Me: Not the one I’m wearing right now, apparently.
Me: You’re sooo cute!! Come over here and give me a hu—
4 (*leaving the room*): Pause my show.
4: Water!
Me: Ask me nicely
4: Actually, I’ll get it myself
Was my family happy about the new “no phones at the dinner table” rule? No. But did we have some great conversations as a result? Also no.
4: Did you just shower?? Your hair looks so pretty!
Me: Awwww, thank y—
4: It looks like a bug
Me:
I feel like palindrome should be spelled palindromemordnilap