@ArfMeasures: Bird: We can fly so we can go anywhere, soar through the skies, glide through the air!!
Bird 2: It's incredible!!
Bird: imma stand in the road
Bird 2: Me too
@ArfMeasures: Me *enters new password*
Me: Aren't you going tell me it's too weak?
Computer: It is but you don't handle criticism very well
Me *crying* that's not true
@ArfMeasures: 911: Could you hide in the closet?
Me: yes oh God no, there's no room!
911: Under the bed?
Me: I can't fit!!
Son: Coming ready or not
@ArfMeasures: Interviewer: Biggest weakness?
Me: The delusions
Interviewer: Like what?
Me: Sometimes I think I'm being interviewed
Bus driver: where are your pants?
@ArfMeasures: Personal Trainer: What do you want to work on today?
Me: To stop getting the name of the exercises wrong
Personal Trainer: Anything else?
Me: plonks, plunges, and squaps
@ArfMeasures: Me: Oh God help I've been stabbed in the tummy
911: how old are you?
Me: just send help
911: ok tummy sending you an amby wamby
@ArfMeasures: Interviewer: What's your biggest weakness?
Me: oh that's a brilliant question
Interviewer: But what's the answer?
@ArfMeasures: Receptionist: The doctor will see you now
Me *shuffles further behind cabinet* better?
Receptionist: Yes but shh he's coming
@ArfMeasures: Me: I just need some alone time away from the kids
Me: Between 2 and 5
Me: I'll be back when they're 6