@ArfMeasures: Me *pouring coffee* are you going to work today?
Windows Explorer: who knows lol
@ArfMeasures: Accountant: ok gross income looks good, what about any losses?
Willy Wonka: Just those 4 kids lmao
Willy Wonka: what
@ArfMeasures: Gf: We're gonna be late for our dinner reservation
Me: Hang on, I'm right at the end of my book
Gf: FFS he's there, behind that tree
Me: Waldo you rascal!
@ArfMeasures: Hot housemate: I miss my boyfriend
Me: The doctor?
Her: He never comes over anymore
Me *smiling at my room full of apples* yeah it's so weird
@ArfMeasures: Doctor: I need to draw some blood
Me *hands him a red crayon* haha
Doctor *stabs it in my arm* haha
@ArfMeasures: Him: Hey, we haven't spoken in months!
Me *grabs his face* and now you've ruined it
@ArfMeasures: Cop: Are you drunk?
Me: um if I was drunk, could I do this?
*stands on one foot*
Cop: ok first of all, ow
@ArfMeasures: Locksmith *testing new door* this will make you more secure
Me: Great, thank you!
Me *phoning him as I worry if my friends like me* it hasn't worked