My dogs: -17
Weird how first we have to pretend to be asleep in order to fall asleep.
48 hr deodorant only lasts 8 hours. Welcome to my TED Talk.
I’ve cleaned the entire house so no one is allowed to live here anymore.
If you take your antidepressant prescription to the pharmacy in your wedding gown while sobbing incoherently, they will fill it instantly.
I’m bored. I’m going to text my ex boyfriends and say “I have to talk to you, it’s important” and then not answer the phone for 6 days.
Me at 16: No one can tell me what to do with my life.
Me at 36: Someone please tell me what to do with my life.
Still disappointed that a goblet is just a cup and not a miniature goblin.
No animal is more conniving and deceptive than Guinea Pigs, whom are neither pigs or from Guinea.
Perks of being an adult: I can eat 8 cookies, no one can stop me.
Cons of being an adult: I ate 8 cookies, no one stopped me, I feel awful.