I like how when we tell our kids that “this little piggy went to market” we pretend it was for apples and cheese.
To be clear, when I say “let’s get it on”, I’m talking about the two-person horse costume.
Time to stuff a zucchini. I won’t say where.
Open your mind…
DEAR GOD CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT
“Your guess is as good as mine”, I lie, knowing that my guesses will always be superior.
You gotta know when to hold em
Know when to fold em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
This concludes your parenting course.
My vehicle’s anti-theft device is standard transmission.
DONT YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO I HAVE A OUIJA BOARD FOR THAT
Enjoyed the Nutcracker tonight.
(The ballet, not my signature sex move.)
When your 13yo is live streaming her makeup application in the bathroom you are obligated to open the door and loudly ask if she’s done pooping.