The best thing about dating someone with a barbed wire tattoo is knowing that you won’t be known as their “worst regret” when you break up.
After you’re done looking for true love on Twitter, you should go ride a unicorn around Atlantis, then eat some heart-healthy ice cream.
Most problems can be solved by pouring a concrete slab over the person causing the problems.
In my 32 years this is what I’ve learned about women:
1.) “No” means no
2.) “Maybe” means no
3.) “Yes” means maybe
Some people don’t realize how grateful they should be that I’m not allowed to carry a sword in public.