@Be___Dope

Reverse cowgirl, so I can eat my ice cream without sharing.

@Be___Dope

Me: Sometimes I don’t get Jo’s tweets.

Marta: Maybe you’re not high enough?

Me: * climbs tree

@Be___Dope

:office birthday party:

CW: Would you like to sign the card?

Me: Nah, just here for the cake. Karen will understand.

CW: His name is Joe.

@Be___Dope

[on the phone]

Me: *whispers* I think my CW knows I’m high.

CW: You know you’re talking to a banana right?

@Be___Dope

People are all wanting a Morgan Freeman voiceover on their GPS. And I’m over here wanting Donald Duck.

@Be___Dope

[ Playing with Ouija board ]

Ouija board: I have a boyfriend.

@Be___Dope

Cashier: You’re the first person to not buy flowers or chocolates today.

Me: * looks down at burrito and donuts *

It’s still love though.

@Be___Dope

Her: You like shopping?

Me: Oh god yes!

Her: What’s your favorite place?

Me: The grocery store. There is a whole aisle of just cheese!

@Be___Dope

[text]

Her: I picked up buffalo wings.

Me: * moves furniture around
* rolls out plastic sheeting