Reverse cowgirl, so I can eat my ice cream without sharing.
Me: Sometimes I don’t get Jo’s tweets.
Marta: Maybe you’re not high enough?
Me: * climbs tree
:office birthday party:
CW: Would you like to sign the card?
Me: Nah, just here for the cake. Karen will understand.
CW: His name is Joe.
[on the phone]
Me: *whispers* I think my CW knows I’m high.
CW: You know you’re talking to a banana right?
People are all wanting a Morgan Freeman voiceover on their GPS. And I’m over here wanting Donald Duck.
[ Playing with Ouija board ]
Ouija board: I have a boyfriend.
Cashier: You’re the first person to not buy flowers or chocolates today.
Me: * looks down at burrito and donuts *
It’s still love though.
Her: You like shopping?
Me: Oh god yes!
Her: What’s your favorite place?
Me: The grocery store. There is a whole aisle of just cheese!
Her: I picked up buffalo wings.
Me: * moves furniture around
* rolls out plastic sheeting