[on the phone with escort service]
No, no, no. I JUST want someone to lick the barbecue sauce out of my beard.
There’s either a cat with a lampshade on its head here or I’m really drunk.
Relationship status: Fumbled with a key for 5 mins trying to get it to fit into the lock the right way.
And I kinda moaned when it slid in.
Waiter: Ready to order?
Me: Yes, what goes well with an overbearing sis-in-law with delusions of grandeur?