There’s a girl that I hate in my office that’s white but looks like ‘Precious’. I’ve been calling her “Pressure” & blaming my farts on her.
The American flag should be a picture of a cheeseburger watching TV on a couch made of fries.
Once I meet a hot chick I automatically give her money. So if she says I’m stalking her I can tell the cops she’s a hooker.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
I’m following around cop cars all day to let them know how it feels.
Can you imagine how fast those clowns who make balloon animals can roll a joint.
My nickname for my mother is Hannibal Lecture.