Bartenders are just boneless bars
Got a plant that apparently likes a “partially shady area” so I’m planting it in an Italian restaurant in New York
Queen: Mirror, mirror on the wall…
Mirror: Not exactly ON the wall
King: I said I’d do it at the weekend. Get off my back, Sandra
A sick whale is called an unwhale
Reviews of Hogwarts
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
“The very best school of wizarding and witchcraft”⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
“Great teachers, superb quidditch field”⭐☆☆☆☆
“At least one student dies every year”
Wife: Is he called Batman because he flies at night?
Me: Kinda. But mainly a traumatic childhood bat thing
Wife: So Spiderman had a traumatic spider thing?
Me: No. Bitten by a radioactive spider
Wife: So is Antman childhood trauma or radioactive bite?
Me: No
Windows 11? Bro, I’m rocking 95. Call me when you catch up
Ronald McDonald and the Burger King have been battling each other for decades. Which is odd, because you’d expect it to have been a *looks at camera* FAST FEUD
Digital security in Ancient Troy
[Space]
No-one: I can hear screaming
Don’t go chasing rainbows. Set up a rainbow trap, sit back, wait
Is not cake Is cake
But IS cake But is NOT cake
Wife: You’ve been a naughty boy…
Me: Yes I have!
Wife: *Removes mask to reveal she is actually Santa*
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOO
Me: Can we discuss my X-ray?
Doctor: We can try, but I never met him
Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples