@BillFienberg

If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it’s considered responsible.

But if you do that with your gf, it’s called “cheating.”

@BillFienberg

I just saw an article titled “Can We build a Real Jurassic Park?”

DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE?!

@BillFienberg

Whenever my girlfriend and I share a meal, I let her have the first bite because I’m a gentleman.

Also, to see if it’s been poisoned.

@BillFienberg

I’m 25, which means I’m just as far from 10 as I am from 40.

Although, in terms of money and maturity, I’m still way closer to 10.

@BillFienberg

Dad: What do you want for your birthday?

Me: I want a gf thats not crazy.

Dad: You should ask for something more realistic. Like a dragon.