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@BillPelicanBros : I've got a black eye, a $200 fine and I've been listed on a register...turns out taking candy from a baby wasn't so easy after all.
@BillPelicanBros: Today I nearly met my end!...it was in a yoga class.
@BillPelicanBros: *job interview*
Boss: Give an example of when you've done something creative
Me: When I listed my 'experience' on the application form
@BillPelicanBros: Cop: You were speeding so I'm going to be giving you a ticket
Me: Ooh, could I win something
Cop: Sort of, 2 more of these & you get a bike
@BillPelicanBros: Me: Mum was I adopted?
Mum: Yes, but they gave you back
@BillPelicanBros: Got a $15000 parking fine!!..I didn't see a sign saying you couldn't park on pedestrians.
@BillPelicanBros: A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation for the Abandoned Children's Home...so I gave him my kids.