If you have a horse and you didn’t name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can’t be friends.
You and I share a very special connection.
*I’m parked outside your house using your Wi-fi.
“Just so you know, you’re coming home with me tonight.” I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
I’m really bad at portioning uncooked pasta…so if you and 110 of your friends wanna come over, dinner is ready.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
What’s faster than the speed of light?
A female untagging herself from an unflattering photo.
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts…it would be very creepy.
A jealous woman…can make the FBI look like mall security.
And then God made Saturn.
And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.