“This is your raise. Please keep it confidential.”
“Don’t worry. I’m as ashamed of it as you are.”
Lance isn’t a common name now, but in Medieval times guys were named Lance a lot.
As I drove into the cemetery, the GPS announced I had reached my final destination.
I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. But when the little bell rang, it was still a potato.
Word puns may make me numb but math puns make me number.
“I’d like to purchase some deodorant please.”
“The ball kind?”
“No, for under my arms.”
I’ve lost my sense of taste! Do I have the CODIV!! Oh, wait, this is a Coors Light.
Sadly, my universal remote control does not control the universe, not even remotely.
I can’t come up with a guitar pun, but I won’t fret about it.
“You can’t bring road kill on the plane.”
“It’s my carrion.”
Smoking will kill you. Bacon is bad for you.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
It’s like being a teenager again. Gas is cheap and I’m grounded.
Pray Elon Musk doesn’t have a scandal.
Elongate would drag on forever.