@Boba_Photo

I got a candy bar from the hotel mini bar if you’re wondering why I’ll be late with the mortgage this month.

@Boba_Photo

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. Celebrate it by walking very slowly yet still managing to catch up to people.

@Boba_Photo

$1,000/hour for an escort? No thanks. I’ve been crossing the street by myself for free since I was 6.

@Boba_Photo

She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them.

@Boba_Photo

11yo: Daddy, why can’t we get a dog?
Me: I like our house the way it is.
11: What, small?
Me: Go to your drawer.